The Incredible Shrinking Christmas Tree

I was so proud of myself.

Backstory:

After the near disaster last year of coming home to find our real tree leaning perilously close to face planting in the middle of the living room, Mark had suggested we go out and buy a nice artificial tree. I was astounded. I had taken all the ornaments and lights off the real tree and was ready to call it a day, even though Christmas was still almost two weeks away. Mark had never been Mr. Christmas, and that's why I was surprised when he made his suggestion. We found one we liked, brought it home, and Mark even offered to assemble it so that I could then decorate it. (He drew the line at putting ornaments on the tree.)

It was beautiful. And I was happy that we had the opportunity to pick the tree out together and that it would be a lasting reminder of our last Christmas together.

The new tree last year

As this year's holiday season approached, however, I was a little anxious because I hadn't been home when Mark assembled the tree last year. Would I be able to figure it out? (Even after earning a law degree, I still have times when I have serious doubts about the level of my intelligence, especially when it comes to assembling things.) 

Imagine my pleasure, then, at putting the tree together 1-2-3. I was so pleased with myself. Over the ensuing days, I decorated it. The kids came over this weekend and loved it. 

It was only yesterday morning when I was rummaging around in the Christmas closet that I made my discovery: I had left out one whole section of the tree, which was in a big lawn and leaf bag on a shelf next to the box the tree came in. It was then that I remembered that I hadn't been able to fit the whole tree back in the box and so I had put one section in the bag (which I suspect was the base segment). Ugh. The tree should be two feet taller than it is. (Remember the comment I made about my intelligence?)

So, for the second year in a row, I find myself with a Christmas tree predicament. But I'm just going to let it be; there's no way I'm taking all the ornaments off to fix it. The good news is that I have lots more room to add future ornaments!

Ornamentation

Speaking of ornaments, I posted every year on my blog about the ornaments I collected that year. I admit it got to be almost an obsession for me to collect ornaments while on our travels; but they became a sort of metaphor for what was going in our lives: I was trying to assemble as many memories of Mark and our time together as I could during those three years after his diagnosis, knowing that, one day, those would be all I would have left - memories. (Not quite all, but you know what I mean.) Similarly, my Christmas tree is full of ornaments that I collected during that same period in which are stored memories of the time Mark and I had together.

As I took the ornaments from years past out of their boxes and put them on the tree, there were moments that I was taken back to when and where we had purchased an ornament. There were a number of times when a smile came. And there was one particular ornament that brought a few tears - the one I gave Mark our first Christmas together:

And here are the new ornaments from this year. First are two "mermen" ornaments. I started collecting these starting at Christmas 2011, when I purchased one of a doctor to represent Mark. This year, I added "Octotini" to represent my trip to Tahiti and "Orlando" to commemorate the massacre that killed so many beautiful young gay men. 

Interestingly, when the kids saw the tree, the first thing they checked for and asked about were this year's additions to the Mermen collection. They thought they were awesome.

Then there were a couple of ornaments that I purchased when I was in Croatia in August. The first one is from Dubrovnik, and I bought it from the same woman from whom I had purchased a couple of ornaments when Mark and I were there in September of last year. 

2015

Then there was this one, a lavender sachet from a beautiful little town on the Croatian coast of which I have special memories. 

Lastly, there's this one that I purchased of Christ Church in Philadelphia during my visit last spring with my cycling buddy Tom and his husband, Michael. Since this was the first ornament I purchased after Mark left, it has a special significance for me. I hesitated buying it, then went ahead. I'm glad I did.

Christmas With the Koepkes

We flew to Portland early yesterday morning to spend Christmas Day (and the next several days) with Mark's family - his mother, two sisters, a brother-in-law, and quite a few nieces and nephews from two generations. In this picture, above, Mark is sitting with his sister Deb with Deb's granddaughter, Heidi, on his lap.

Deb's "Christmas Vacation" Moose Punch Bowl Set. I had to ask about it. Deb couldn't believe I've never seen National Lampoon's "Christmas Vacation" - a situation she quickly set out to remedy.

Mark's two sisters, caught making Mai Tais in the pantry

We had a wonderful Christmas dinner featuring prime rib that Neil, Mark's brother-in-law, had cooked on his Traeger grill and a beautiful "Christmas Salad" made by his sister, Sarah. Lots and lots of presents to be unwrapped, followed by wrapping paper wars among the grandkids. It was a fun afternoon.

This will be our last trip: traveling has become too difficult for Mark. As it is, yesterday was a somewhat grueling day for him. But it is fitting that we have come here to be with Mark's family to celebrate this last Christmas. It's something - this "lastness" - that we haven't focused on these past few weeks, yet we've known it was there. We both decided some time ago that we weren't going to focus on it because doing so would rob us of the moment. No efforts to make things "special." Just here, now.

It hasn't always been easy, and there have been moments, hours, days, when it's just been depressing and utterly sad. But, thankfully, those times pass and peace returns. I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful for those magical moments when laughter vacates the sadness and I (later) realize that those moments will become magical memories.

The Christmas Full Moon. I was a sophomore at the University of Illinois
when the last one occurred in 1977.

Christmas at the Broom-Koepke Household

I love the expression on Mark's face. This was taken at our family Christmas party on the night of the 23rd. As I recall, I think he had a similar expression on our first date after I told him I have ten children. 

We started off our Christmas festivities with an open house on the 20th. It was a wonderful evening shared with friends and family.

My oldest son, Adam, who couldn't make it to our Christmas party on the 23rd.

Nathan.

Kurt and Elias

Daughter Annie with her new doll

Our friend Tina was such a big help

Friends

Mark and Aubrey, Nathan's beautiful girlfriend

Set-up for family dinner

Grandson Johnny became quite protective of his Pringles

Christmas doesn't quite mean the same thing that it once did in my life, but it has never been more magical than it was this year.

Merry Christmas!

Ornamentation 2015

Mark has tolerated my hobby of collecting Christmas tree ornaments during our travels. His expression in this picture, taken in a Christmas shop in Oberammergau, Germany pretty much says it all. I'm grateful for his indulgence and happy that he has actually gotten into the hunt as time has passed.

For the past several years, I have published posts about ornaments I have collected, either during the past year or going much further back. This post is about those we have collected this past year. Several were acquired during our trips to Maui during the first six months of 2015.

These beautiful angels will join others I've acquired on Maui and the Big Island over the years.

This is actually a small fan that was woven by a Hawaiian matriarch who sets up shop on the road to Little Beach on Maui.

This Gill figurine will join another one of a young man spearfishing

A present from my sister, acquired during their trip to Amsterdam last summer

A momento of our whale watching excursion out of Anacortes in August while visiting cycling friends.

This year's addition to our collection of Merman ornaments. I've bought one each of the past several years from a shop on Castro Street in San Francisco.

Most of this year's ornaments were acquired on our trip to Europe this past fall. Each one has a story to tell, some more than others.

A miniature mask acquired in Venice

A souvenir of our Dolomite day trip out of Vencie

From Cortina, the skiing and cycling mecca in the heart of the Dolomite Mountains in northern Italy

Filled with lavender from the Croatian city of Hvar

We bought the following two ornaments from this woman in Dubrovnik, Croatia. They were hand made by her and her family.

Is it just me, or is the ornament suggestive of something?

This ornament, acquired at Buckingham Palace, commemorates the fact that Elizabeth II because England's longest reigning monarch in 2015.

A couple of Delft ornaments acquired in a shop near Amsterdam's flower market.

I never thought I would ever have an opportunity to visit Rothenburg, the Christmas capital of Germany, if not the world. I acquired several ornaments there, as well as in Oberammergau and Rüdesheim. Going in some of those shops was more than a bit overwhelming.

I purchased these ornaments in Rüdesheim, Germany. They were from a "Bavarian" tree. "Spatzl" is the equivalent of "Schatze" in the Bavarian dialect and means, "Sweetheart" or "Honey." I had to ask the assistance of a clerk to retrieve these two ornaments. I asked for a man ornament which she carefully took off the tree. I then asked for another, to which she responded, "Don't you want a woman?" "No," I replied, "I want a man." Mark came around the corner at that point, and the clerk then understood.

As I look back over the past four years, it's hard to believe that Mark and I have been together for only that amount of time. It seems like 40. We've crammed so much into this short period of time; these ornaments will always remind me of our wonderful trips and this precious time that we have been blessed with.