"Faith Is a Disability"

"Faith is a disability insofar as it constrains you from self-interest."

I found this line from Andrew Solomon’s Far From the Tree to be sobering and tremendously thought-provoking.* It caused me to reflect upon the many times in my life – and in the lives of those close to me – when faith in religion, faith in what I had been taught by parents or others, or faith in my own abilities, had prevented me from seeing and/or accepting reality – which was definitely not in my self-interest.

One of the supreme ironies of religion is that it teaches people that they must have faith in their creeds and in their gods in order for their adherents to ultimately achieve what is in their best interest, i.e., salvation; but all too often that same faith causes adherents to do what is not in their self-interest.

I am a poster child for such a proposition.  I could write a book about why I joined the LDS Church, what it meant to me, how it affected my life, etc. My life after joining the Church became a synthesis of the Church’s doctrine and how it mixed with and impacted my own trauma, dysfunctions and identity issues that I had brought along out of childhood with me into adulthood. Then, when I got married, added to the mix was my former wife’s own brand of spirituality and faith.

So, I cannot blame the Mormon Church – entirely – for how I conducted the majority of my adult life, but it certainly was front and center stage in the drama that unfolded. I remember writing in my journal, shortly after I joined the Church, that I never had to worry about making another mistake in my life because the Spirit would guide me. Then there was that pithy statement by Joseph Smith that, “When the Lord commands, do it!”And that scripture in the Book of Mormon: “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

I (and my former wife) made many decisions in the decades that followed in the face of illogicality or even irrationality simply based on the “feeling” that this is what the Lord wanted me/us to do and that, in so doing, I and my family would be blessed in some way. A lot of these decisions were just plain crazy, financially; and the belief – the faith – that I/we were recipients of “special” guidance and direction that called us out of the herd of “ordinary Mormons” resulted in a blindness to reality.

Then there is the faith that we put in the teachings of others, such as parents. Many is the child that has come to learn, usually when they enter adulthood or later, that what was taught to them as “gospel” by one or both of their parents ain’t necessarily so. When undue faith is placed in such teachings, it can and often does result in the child doing things that are not in his or her best interests, primarily because such faith prevents the child from seeing his own reality. 

Lastly, there is the faith we may have in ourselves or in our situation that causes us to refuse to see or accept reality. Whenever we are in such a state of denying reality or refusing to see reality, we cannot possibly act in our best interests. Decisions must be made on what IS, not on what we might HOPE it to be, no matter how desperately we might desire it.

*This post was originally published on my Joseph's Journeyings blog (now closed) in January 2013. I am in the process of importing into this blog many of my previous posts from other blogs I have had over the past 3-1/2 years.

Invictus Pilgrim: To Young Men Only - The Gay Version

This is the first of a number of posts I plan to publish from my old blog, which was called Invictus Pilgrim (now closed). The following post was originally published on 29 December 2010 and was written in response to communications I received following a series of posts on mixed-orientation marriages. In republishing the post, I am including a number of the comments made to the original post.

For many of us older gay Mormon guys, the attitude of the LDS Church toward homosexuality was succinctly stated in a talk entitled “To Young Men Only,” given by Elder Boyd K. Packer in priesthood session of conference in October 1976. 

This address was subsequently printed in pamphlet form and became the standard reference for many years for bishops in dealing with “worthiness” issues among young men and contained the “party line” with respect to the issues of homosexuality and (among other things) masturbation, both of which were condemned in no uncertain terms. 

(Interestingly, this talk is omitted from both the General Conference section of the Church’s website, as well as from the online edition of the Ensign for November 1976, but can be found here on the Church’s website.) 

Any Mormon man who came of age in the late 70’s through the mid-90’s is probably familiar with the pamphlet containing this talk, or at least with the principles set forth in the pamphlet. These principles, along with other Church practices that were intended to “deal” with homosexuality (e.g., reparative therapy and encouraging gay men to marry with the assurance that same-sex attractions would be thereby “cured”) were the frame of reference for many of us when we made the decision to get married and start down the “path.” As was expressed in recent posts, there are many Mormon men who went down that path, only to realize later that it was impossible for them to continue.

As I read private messages I received from young gay Mormon men, as well as comments that were left on my blog, in response to recent posts about mixed-orientation marriages, I came to realize how relevant the experiences of those of us who had entered such marriages were to these younger men. 

“I too am young and single. I agree that these blogs are great resources to those of us who are trying to figure out what being a gay Mormon means for our future. I rarely go on dates for similar reasons (other than lack of interest), but I don't want to develop a serious relationship with a girl because I would feel dishonest about my intentions. I would be pretending to be in love with her while she would just be an experiment to see if I could eventually fall in love. I can see myself married in the future, not because I look forward to or imagine any real relationship with a future wife, but because I miss being in a family and see getting married as the only way to be back in one.  I may eventually marry if I find a girl that I can be completely open with, but for now I am choosing to stay single.”

Another man e-mailed me and wrote: 

“I've only dated one girl in my life … I was hoping desperately that one day I'd wake up and *click* I'd be in love. But that never happened. I loved her, but wasn't "in love" with her. I guess the point in emailing you is to let you know how relevant the MOM discussion has been for me. In that relationship, I was determined to just make it work, because I'd never dated before, and didn't know what a relationship was like. I was disappointed because all I was ever told about how great relationships are, seemed to be false. I felt unauthentic, guilty, ashamed, broken. I wanted to be in love, but I wasn't. My willpower to resist and maintain my identity was slowly sapped away. When we finally broke up, I was broke up, because my identity as a straight guy was shattered. She was the foundation of that facade. (Of course, that wasn't her intention, she just was.) 

“Every once in awhile, that little voice sneaks into my brain and tells me that I should give dating girls another try. I could make the relationship work, and eventually marry. It tells me I could be happy, and maybe I would for a short period of time. But I think what makes me gay is, not only am I attracted to men, but my long-term happiness can only be sustained by one. In short, I want to be happy, and I think God wants me to happy, too. So will I ever get married to a woman? I don't think so.”

I felt that these two young men demonstrated a great deal of maturity and integrity in dealing with the conflict between their sexual orientation and the teachings and expectations of the Church with respect to heterosexual marriage. But the doctrine of eternal marriage (and everything it implies), central as it is to everything the Church is and stands for, represents a significant (and for some, insurmountable) barrier or challenge to young gay Mormon men who are attempting to deal with their sexuality and, by extension, their identity – eternal and otherwise. 

This concern is reflected in another private message I received from yet another young gay Mormon man who, after stating that he is gay and that he had been reading the posts about mixed-orientation marriages, wrote, “I am just thinking that I should get married and have kids. I really want to go to the celestial kingdom, but I am so worried about being married or having kids. I don't know [however] if I am strong enough to do it.” He then asked for my advice. 

Believing that what I wrote may be of some relevance and use to other young gay Mormon men, and with the consent of the man to whom I was writing, I am including here most of my (slightly edited and updated) response to this young gay man, which I now entitle:

To Young Men Only – The Gay Version

It sounds like you are obviously an active member of the Church and that you have a testimony of the reality of God and of the ability of the Holy Ghost to inspire and enlighten you. Because of this, my first bit of counsel for you would be - if you haven't already done so - to specifically pray to know whether Heavenly Father accepts you as you are - gay. 

However, in doing so, I would remind you of Moroni’s admonition: seek wisdom, be sincere, and ask with real intent (and I would suggest that asking with real intent requires that you push away from you everything that you have been taught about the nature of homosexuality and approach God as much as possible with an open mind and heart).  

Then there is James’ admonition in James 1:5 (which, of course, prompted Joseph Smith to go into the grove of trees): “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” [New International Version].

I can and will give you my own personal conviction that God accepts you just the way you are, but it is obviously no substitute for your own witness (in whatever form that may come, e.g., whether as a flash of insight, an impression in your heart and mind, a feeling, or a settled conviction). My own witness of this, which I have described elsewhere on my blog, came to me on my mission in the most sublime spiritual experience of my life. 

My witness is that you were born the way you are and that God accepts and loves you the way you are. President Packer notwithstanding, you did not "choose" to be gay. You just are.

If God accepts you as you are, which I believe He does, then you next need to think and pray about the consequences and ramifications of this knowledge. Would God damn you for something that He has told you is "ok"? Would He expect you to do something totally contrary to your nature, failing which you would be damned? My answer to these questions, after much experience, pondering and prayer, is "no."

The truth is that God's ways are not our ways. In Isaiah 55:8-9, we read:  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” 

We - President Monson included - understand and have had revealed to us only a tiny fraction of what God knows and understands. Joseph Smith himself said that if he told the Saints everything he knew, the apostles would leave his side and the saints would "fly apart as glass."  (And remember – he went in to the Sacred Grove expecting one answer and came out with a mind-blowingly different answer, one that he could never have anticipated.)

My own deep personal conviction is that there is much we do not know and understand about homosexuality. But there is something each one of "us" can know and understand: God loves us just the way we are (i.e., gay) and He does not expect us to live a lie. Should we who are gay, alone among God's creations, deny ourselves and have denied to us the opportunity to fulfill the measure of our creation? Again, my answer to this question is no.

This is obviously a very personal issue. But I believe that if you open your heart and try to push away what you have been taught about homosexuality and ask God with sincerity and full purpose of heart, He will reveal to you the truth of who you are [i.e., in your heart and/or your mind in a way that is appropriate to you] … I wish you the very best, which I'm sure you deserve.

In a subsequent post, I will publish some of the numerous comments that were made to this post when originally published.

Changes and October Surprises

In a way, it's hard to believe that we arrived home a little over four weeks ago from our trip to Hawaii and Japan.* So much has happened.

That's one reason I haven't written a post in almost five weeks. Another reason is that I simply haven't felt like it. I've gone through yet another one of those periods where I am ambivalent to writing - at least publicly. I've written lots in my journal, but I hesitate how much of that I want to share on my blog. But, on the other hand, there is a lot that has been going on - both internally (i.e., in my head) and in our (Mark and I's) life together, and I think it is time to try to catch up.

Moving On - Literally

First off, we're moving. During our week in Maui after returning from Japan, Mark came to the decision - for several reasons - to sell our current home, a decision which I fully supported. Some of those reasons: The yard is very demanding and requires a lot of work. Mark, who has loved playing in the dirt his whole life, decided, due to his cancer, to leave that behind. As he put it, he'd rather spend his time walking in the woods than weeding, trying to get the waterfall going, constantly worrying about whether everything is getting enough water, etc.

Another reason: we need a place that has more room for the kids when they come over. There were other reasons. The time had come.

It's hard to believe, but in the past four weeks, we found another place, plan to close on it in two weeks, listed our house and have started packing. Just when we expected life to return to some semblance of normalcy after the previous six months ... well, let's just say that life continues to surprise us.

We love our new place (pictured above). It will provide everything we were looking for. I'll be blogging more about it, I suppose, after we close and move in. For now, I'll just say that we love it and are excited about making it ours.

New Parent-Time Schedule

Another big change this past month has been the implementation of my new parent time arrangement with my former wife, whereby I'll have the little kids for the entire weekend every other week. Previously, I had them every Saturday and every other Friday night, which didn't allow us enough time to relax and just hang without keeping an eye on the clock. We are going to enjoy this time even more once we move and the kids have their own bedrooms and lots of space to play in our basement room.

A couple of weeks ago, I took the "Triads," (Aaron, Esther and Levi) to Lagoon (a local amusement park) - their first time - and we had a lot of fun. (Annie had a playdate/sleepover with the daughter of some friends.)

We've had a *gorgeous* fall here along the Wasatch

This weekend, we're celebrating all four of the kids' birthdays. (Therein lies a tale. Aaron and Esther were born 12 days apart in the same hospital in Nakhodka, Russia (near Vladivostok) and both went to the same orphanage. Aaron was born on October 19th and Esther October 31st, but when we legally adopted them, we move their birth dates to October 25th (an even split) so that they could effectively be raised as twins. (It seemed like a good idea at the time.) Two years later, our biological surprise, Levi, was born on November 1st. Then, when we went back to Russia to adopt another little girl, it turned out that the one we got - Annie - was born on October 23rd. So, four birthdays within 10 days of each other.)

Levi working on his birthday present - Halo Lego

Levi and I could both use some orthodontic work

Aaron and Esther on their rip sticks. Annie, who is also really good, had just toppled off hers and was in her "I hate the world" pose.

Mark's Health

Mark's health continues to be very good. His PSA continues to remain very low, for which we're grateful. He had another hormone shot in early October and will be due for another in April. He is strong and active, working out at the gym most days and going to yoga classes almost every day. Meanwhile, he continues his part-time work as a hospice doctor, which he enjoys, and - as ever - his spiritual path. He is a great and wonderful teacher to me, and this is one of the many reasons that I love him.

Challenges 

I dealt with some health issues in the week or so after we returned home - both physical and emotional. I had been having increasingly bad stomach aches and abdominal pain while we were in Japan, and I was frankly becoming a bit concerned, as was Mark. But after running some tests and doing a scan, everything came back "normal." That left "irritable bowel syndrome." I think this had been coming on for some time, and the pain and discomfort forced me to make some changes in my diet: eliminating gluten as much as possible; cutting back on my already-low consumption of dairy products; cutting out junk food altogether; cleansing; avoiding anything made with flour; etc. And I'm feeling better, I'm happy to say.

Emotionally, a series of events collided around the time we got home that led me to some additional realizations about my former marriage, my ex-wife, my mother and about me. Good realizations. Insightful, teaching moments, but not without some pain. But, as my counselor said, I have to feel to heal. And I continue to do that - heal.

All of these developments - the house, the emotional and physical challenges, as well as dealing with some legal matters - led to an increasing sense that I was closing one chapter of my life and was preparing to start a new one. 

New Directions

But another "October surprise" for me came as I pondered my spiritual path. Our trip to Japan had been jarring for me in this regard. Without going into all the details, suffice it to say that I became somewhat disenchanted with Buddhism; not the principles of mindfulness, accepting suffering as a fact of life, releasing attachments, etc., but rather the "religion" of Buddhism.

Interior of the Cathedral of the Madeleine here in Salt Lake City

Mormonism and my involvement in it for nearly three decades of my adult life was deeply harmful and hurtful to me and left me scarred in many ways. I have been trying for three years to move on and to heal, and I believe I have been successful at that in some very important ways. 

One of the things that has helped me tremendously through this process was the fact that I had a life before I embraced Mormonism at age 24. I was raised in the Catholic church, and this was my formative experience for the first 17 years of my life. Thereafter, I was exposed to Methodism and to the Episcopal Church, but I had come back to Catholicism immediately prior to my introduction to the Mormon missionaries.

One constant throughout my life is that I have always been a "spiritual" person (or perhaps "religious" would be a better term). I have learned much during the past two years about western Buddhist teachings which I have found helpful in my life. But my experience in Japan demonstrated to me that I needed something more, or something different (a realization I had been slowly coming to for several months). I missed being part of a spiritual community. I missed the opportunity to (as Mormons would say) render service. Though I could not and cannot approach Christianity the way I used to, I came to feel that I wanted to "approach" Christianity again, in an exploratory manner.

I knew, however, that I could not be comfortable in a Protestant church. Though there are a number of gay-friendly churches here in Salt Lake - including Episcopal ones - I know that I would not feel comfortable there - for reasons which I don't feel it necessary for me to expound. 

So, my thoughts have turned to Catholicism. Not to the Catholicism of my youth. Not to the Catholicism of anti-gay members of the church's hierarchy. No, I knew if I were to approach Catholicism at this point in my life, it would be on my own terms, with an "adult faith" which would not be circumscribed by official dogma, doctrine or by bigoted, close-minded members of the hierarchy (and which would also not be bound by a number of traditional Catholic beliefs which I do not share). One of the things that appeals to me about this exploration, and which has enticed me into it, is the breadth and depth of Catholic thought that is not constrained by hierarchy, and I have already sought out and will continue to seek out those strands of thought that will complement what I have been learning in the past two years. And I'm sure I will be doing some writing about that in the coming weeks.

Some concluding words: As I embark on this new trail in my spiritual journey, I am grateful for all that I have learned about Buddhism during the past two years, and I am reminded of some thoughts shared by the Dalai Lama upon meeting Thomas Merton in 1968 in Dharmsala, India. Of this experience, one in Merton's party wrote, “the Dalai Lama (encouraged) each of us to remain faithful to our own tradition. He says, ‘We need to experience more deeply the meanings and spiritual values of our own religious tradition--we need to know these teachings not only on an intellectual level but also through our own deeper experience. We must practice our own religion sincerely; it must become part of our lives.’"

This is what I hope to achieve as I start down this trail. We'll see what happens ...

*The lead picture is of the "guest board" outside the 350-year-old inn where we stayed near the end of our Japan trip.

Candles for Mark

We met some wonderful people on our cycling trip to Corsica last fall. Among them were Michelle and Malcolm, a couple around our age who are from Washington State but are currently living in Germany. Not that that matters, except it is important for my story - not that they are from Washington but that they are living in Europe.

Michelle, like me, was raised a Catholic. Unlike me, she never felt the need to join the Mormon Church; and her life has been far less complicated as a result. She still struggles, however, in some form or another, with the faith of her youth. And I totally understand that. The faith of our youth holds a special place in our hearts. Like our first love. And as we confront the ugliness and realities of life, even though we know we can't go back to the nursery and believe in the fables of our youth, we still hold a spot of secret comfort in our hearts as we age.

Maybe. 

Anyway, when Michelle heard about Mark's cancer, she embarked on a crusade of sorts. No, that's not the right word. She decided, in her travels around Europe, to light candles in small and large Catholic churches across the continent in remembrance of Mark and the journey he is now on.

How beautiful is that?

Malcolm and Michelle in Corsica

Not that Michelle believes that the Virgin is going to intercede on behalf of Mark. Her offering is far more sacred than that.

I was raised Catholic, like Michelle, but I honestly don't think I've ever lit a candle; though I remember them in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary at a side altar (not the right word), flickering away, in the midst of St. Polycarp's vaulting modernity. Quite a contrast to the churches that Michelle enters on her travels across Europe. And saints were never a big deal to me. And novenas and rosaries and all that other stuff that Catholics are known for.

Which is why I think I connect with what Michelle is doing and think it is so awesomely cool.  (I know I sound a bit like a juvenile, but whatever.) I read on a website that lighting candles is "a way of extending one's prayer and showing solidarity with the person on whose behalf the prayer is offered." To me, it is similar to the thought behind Tibetan prayer flags: the wind catches the flags and releases the prayers, blessing unknown beings throughout the world. 

The difference with a candle is that it is lit as a prayer, as a remembrance, for one specific person. And I think that is even cooler. Not that some saint or even the Virgin is going to reach down and bless Mark - who has a decidedly Lutheran background which I'm not sure the Virgin would entirely approve of. The point is that he is being remembered across the breadth of Europe, or as Michelle put it, from the Chapel of Dachau to the Notre Dame de Paris. 

And what can you do with friends like that except embrace them across the miles and thank them for their offering from the heart. The point is not whether there is actual metaphysical efficacy in such offerings. That doesn't matter. At least not to me, and I suspect to Mark. The point is, that someone on the other side of the globe is thinking of him and is making efforts to go into centuries-old sacred spaces to send a prayer into the universe on behalf of my beloved.

Thank you, Michelle. 

Oh Say, What is Truth?

People have asked me why I joined the LDS Church almost 30 years ago. One of the reasons is because it claimed to be the TRUTH. It, among so many competing voices, resolutely claimed that it is the one true church on the face of the whole earth and that its message was and is true. 

What was this message? That historical Christianity had fallen into apostasy and could not be “reformed.” That God chose to restore the true gospel in preparation for the second coming of Christ through a prophet – Joseph Smith. That, through this prophet, truths that had been on the earth at various times but then lost would be restored. That, through this prophet, the (only) authority to act in God’s name (i.e., the priesthood) was restored to the earth. That one could be “saved” through the instrumentality of this priesthood, and only through this authority and none other. That God had provided additional scripture – the Book of Mormon - as support for Joseph Smith’s divine calling. (Sure, it claimed to be an additional witness of Jesus Christ, but in practical terms, its purpose was to support Joseph Smith’s claim to be a prophet.)

I was introduced to the LDS Church at a time in my life when I was feeling somewhat lost. I sought certainty. I had been raised in the Catholic Church, then had joined a Methodist Church my senior year in high school. In college, I became disenchanted with Methodism, and, as a result of several Humanities and religion classes I had taken, came to view much of the Old Testament as mythical and allegorical - not literal. I embraced “situational ethics” and came to view Jesus more as a teacher of morals rather than my literal “savior.” Eventually, I started attending the Episcopal Church – not out of some deep religious conviction, but because I liked the music and the liturgy.

Several years passed, and due to some upheavals in my life, I found myself searching for direction and meaning. At this precise time, a devout Latter-day Saint (older) woman entered my life and convinced me to see the missionaries. Unbeknownst to her, in my search my personal mission and certainty, I had been seriously considering returning to the church of my youth and entering the priesthood. I finally decided to take the missionary discussions as a means of confirming to myself the truthfulness of Catholicism, not Mormonism.

But the Mormon missionaries offered something that even most Catholic priests could not – a certainty that their message and their church are “true.” In that very first meeting with the elders, I was introduced to that centerpiece of Mormon faith and spiritualism – the personal testimony. My elders weren’t given to oratory or long-winded testimonies. They simply taught the missionary discussions and, as they had been directed, simply stated at the end of each principle, “I know these things are true.” Period.

What they taught seemed to provide answers to so many of life’s questions. In fact – as I eventually came to learn – Mormonism provided an answer to every question. Adam and Eve were literal persons and the story of creation as presented in the Bible was, at its heart, true. The Atonement was real. The resurrection was real. Absolute truth is real. Etc., etc.

I embraced these concepts and teachings. There were many other factors that influenced my decision to join the Mormon Church (about which I plan to write), but this concept of absolute truth was critical. It remained critical throughout the next 27 years or so of my life and, as I wrote last weekend, supported and sustained the central myth of my life. I could and did rest in that truth and raised my children in that truth.

But then, that theoretical truth shattered when it collided with my existential truth that I could no longer accept or deny as false, i.e., that I am, and always have been, gay. Facing the truth of who I am led me, inexorably and inevitably, to the conclusion that the truth that I had embraced in Mormonism was not truth at all. 

I have never felt guilt for leaving the Mormon Church, but I have felt guilt for raising my children to believe in its absolute truth, then leaving them behind as I turned away from it. This is why I began a series of posts last weekend about my decision to leave the Mormon Church and why I plan to continue to write about my journey out of Mormonism: I feel a moral obligation to explain why I had to not only resign from the Church, but also to relinquish, then renounce, its beliefs.

In so doing, I will frame my discussions as if addressing my own children, which I will in fact be doing. I shall not seek to bear witness that the Church is false so much as bearing witness of my own truth, about what I have discovered about myself and about the Church during these past 18 months of study and reflection. I will also write about my ongoing spiritual journey and what I have learned along the way about “truth” and its relationship to fear. Unfortunately, I have learned, they are all too often two sides of the same coin, neither of which brings one any closer to spiritual enlightenment or, ultimately, happiness.

“Truth comes from within, not from without.”

~ Joseph Broom

Faith Is a Disability

"Faith is a disability insofar as it constrains you from self-interest."

I found this line from Andrew Solomon’s Far From the Tree to be sobering and tremendously thought-provoking. It caused me to reflect upon the many times in my life – and in the lives of those close to me – when faith in religion, faith in what I had been taught by parents or others, or faith in my own abilities, had prevented me from seeing and/or accepting reality – which was definitely not in my self-interest.

One of the supreme ironies of religion is that it teaches people that they must have faith in their creeds and in their gods in order for their adherents to ultimately achieve what is in their best interest, i.e., salvation; but all too often that same faith causes adherents to do what is not in their self-interest.

I am a poster child for such a proposition.  I could write a book about why I joined the LDS Church, what it meant to me, how it affected my life, etc. My life after joining the Church became a synthesis of the Church’s doctrine and how it mixed with and impacted my own trauma, dysfunctions and identity issues that I had brought along out of childhood with me into adulthood.  Then, when I got married, added to the mix was my former wife’s own brand of spirituality and faith.

So, I cannot blame the Church – entirely – for how I conducted the majority of my adult life, but it certainly was front and center stage in the drama that unfolded.  I remember writing in my journal, shortly after I joined the Church, that I never had to worry about making another mistake in my life because the Spirit would guide me.  Then there was that pithy statement by Joseph Smith that, “When the Lord commands, do it!” And that scripture in the Book of Mormon: “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

I (and my former wife) made many decisions in the decades that followed in the face of illogicality or even irrationality simply based on the “feeling” that this is what the Lord wanted me/us to do and that, in so doing, I and my family would be blessed in some way.  A lot of these decisions were just plain crazy, financially; and the belief – the faith – that I/we were recipients of “special” guidance and direction that called us out of the herd of “ordinary Mormons” resulted in a blindness to reality.

Then there is the faith that we put in the teachings of others, such as parents. Many is the child that has come to learn, usually when they enter adulthood or later, that what was taught to them as “gospel” by one or both of their parents ain’t necessarily so. When undue faith is placed in such teachings, it can and often does result in the child doing things that are not in his or her best interests, primarily because such faith prevents the child from seeing his own reality. 

Lastly, there is the faith we may have in ourselves or in our situation that causes us to refuse to see or accept reality. Whenever we are in such a state of denying reality or refusing to see reality, we cannot possibly act in our best interests. Decisions must be made on what IS, not on what we might HOPE it to be, no matter how desperately we might desire it.