The Incredible Shrinking Christmas Tree

I was so proud of myself.

Backstory:

After the near disaster last year of coming home to find our real tree leaning perilously close to face planting in the middle of the living room, Mark had suggested we go out and buy a nice artificial tree. I was astounded. I had taken all the ornaments and lights off the real tree and was ready to call it a day, even though Christmas was still almost two weeks away. Mark had never been Mr. Christmas, and that's why I was surprised when he made his suggestion. We found one we liked, brought it home, and Mark even offered to assemble it so that I could then decorate it. (He drew the line at putting ornaments on the tree.)

It was beautiful. And I was happy that we had the opportunity to pick the tree out together and that it would be a lasting reminder of our last Christmas together.

The new tree last year

As this year's holiday season approached, however, I was a little anxious because I hadn't been home when Mark assembled the tree last year. Would I be able to figure it out? (Even after earning a law degree, I still have times when I have serious doubts about the level of my intelligence, especially when it comes to assembling things.) 

Imagine my pleasure, then, at putting the tree together 1-2-3. I was so pleased with myself. Over the ensuing days, I decorated it. The kids came over this weekend and loved it. 

It was only yesterday morning when I was rummaging around in the Christmas closet that I made my discovery: I had left out one whole section of the tree, which was in a big lawn and leaf bag on a shelf next to the box the tree came in. It was then that I remembered that I hadn't been able to fit the whole tree back in the box and so I had put one section in the bag (which I suspect was the base segment). Ugh. The tree should be two feet taller than it is. (Remember the comment I made about my intelligence?)

So, for the second year in a row, I find myself with a Christmas tree predicament. But I'm just going to let it be; there's no way I'm taking all the ornaments off to fix it. The good news is that I have lots more room to add future ornaments!

Ornamentation

Speaking of ornaments, I posted every year on my blog about the ornaments I collected that year. I admit it got to be almost an obsession for me to collect ornaments while on our travels; but they became a sort of metaphor for what was going in our lives: I was trying to assemble as many memories of Mark and our time together as I could during those three years after his diagnosis, knowing that, one day, those would be all I would have left - memories. (Not quite all, but you know what I mean.) Similarly, my Christmas tree is full of ornaments that I collected during that same period in which are stored memories of the time Mark and I had together.

As I took the ornaments from years past out of their boxes and put them on the tree, there were moments that I was taken back to when and where we had purchased an ornament. There were a number of times when a smile came. And there was one particular ornament that brought a few tears - the one I gave Mark our first Christmas together:

And here are the new ornaments from this year. First are two "mermen" ornaments. I started collecting these starting at Christmas 2011, when I purchased one of a doctor to represent Mark. This year, I added "Octotini" to represent my trip to Tahiti and "Orlando" to commemorate the massacre that killed so many beautiful young gay men. 

Interestingly, when the kids saw the tree, the first thing they checked for and asked about were this year's additions to the Mermen collection. They thought they were awesome.

Then there were a couple of ornaments that I purchased when I was in Croatia in August. The first one is from Dubrovnik, and I bought it from the same woman from whom I had purchased a couple of ornaments when Mark and I were there in September of last year. 

2015

Then there was this one, a lavender sachet from a beautiful little town on the Croatian coast of which I have special memories. 

Lastly, there's this one that I purchased of Christ Church in Philadelphia during my visit last spring with my cycling buddy Tom and his husband, Michael. Since this was the first ornament I purchased after Mark left, it has a special significance for me. I hesitated buying it, then went ahead. I'm glad I did.

Ornamentation 2015

Mark has tolerated my hobby of collecting Christmas tree ornaments during our travels. His expression in this picture, taken in a Christmas shop in Oberammergau, Germany pretty much says it all. I'm grateful for his indulgence and happy that he has actually gotten into the hunt as time has passed.

For the past several years, I have published posts about ornaments I have collected, either during the past year or going much further back. This post is about those we have collected this past year. Several were acquired during our trips to Maui during the first six months of 2015.

These beautiful angels will join others I've acquired on Maui and the Big Island over the years.

This is actually a small fan that was woven by a Hawaiian matriarch who sets up shop on the road to Little Beach on Maui.

This Gill figurine will join another one of a young man spearfishing

A present from my sister, acquired during their trip to Amsterdam last summer

A momento of our whale watching excursion out of Anacortes in August while visiting cycling friends.

This year's addition to our collection of Merman ornaments. I've bought one each of the past several years from a shop on Castro Street in San Francisco.

Most of this year's ornaments were acquired on our trip to Europe this past fall. Each one has a story to tell, some more than others.

A miniature mask acquired in Venice

A souvenir of our Dolomite day trip out of Vencie

From Cortina, the skiing and cycling mecca in the heart of the Dolomite Mountains in northern Italy

Filled with lavender from the Croatian city of Hvar

We bought the following two ornaments from this woman in Dubrovnik, Croatia. They were hand made by her and her family.

Is it just me, or is the ornament suggestive of something?

This ornament, acquired at Buckingham Palace, commemorates the fact that Elizabeth II because England's longest reigning monarch in 2015.

A couple of Delft ornaments acquired in a shop near Amsterdam's flower market.

I never thought I would ever have an opportunity to visit Rothenburg, the Christmas capital of Germany, if not the world. I acquired several ornaments there, as well as in Oberammergau and Rüdesheim. Going in some of those shops was more than a bit overwhelming.

I purchased these ornaments in Rüdesheim, Germany. They were from a "Bavarian" tree. "Spatzl" is the equivalent of "Schatze" in the Bavarian dialect and means, "Sweetheart" or "Honey." I had to ask the assistance of a clerk to retrieve these two ornaments. I asked for a man ornament which she carefully took off the tree. I then asked for another, to which she responded, "Don't you want a woman?" "No," I replied, "I want a man." Mark came around the corner at that point, and the clerk then understood.

As I look back over the past four years, it's hard to believe that Mark and I have been together for only that amount of time. It seems like 40. We've crammed so much into this short period of time; these ornaments will always remind me of our wonderful trips and this precious time that we have been blessed with.

Of Ornamentation, Traditions and Finding Christmas

Some might say that I have an obsession about collecting Christmas ornaments. So be it. Mark realized several years ago that this is one of my passions, so he graciously supports me in my endeavors to pick up momentos from the places we visit on our travels. Bless him, he has also, over the years, warmed to the concept of actually celebrating the Christmas season, rather that just enduring it. That's one of the many reasons I love him, because I know - at least in part - that he goes along with my measured enthusiasm for the season.

This post features pictures of ornaments we have acquired this past year. The lead photo, above, centers on an ornament that is not really designed as an ornament. I purchased it on the Greek island of Samos this past fall when we were there. It had three things going for it: it is a broom (for some reason, I particularly like to collect "broom" ornaments); it is decorated with a lovely shade of blue (Mark's favorite color); and it features the easter Mediterranean "evil eye" (see picture below).

This is another ornament we purchased on Samos. It, too, features a tiny "evil eye, barely visible as the blue bead to the left of the bow knot.

Celebrating Christmas is different for me now than it used to be. My whole worldview and life situation has changed rather dramatically over the past five years. Christmas in my family as my children were growing up was full of traditions - ones that I largely instituted in order to make the whole Christmas season more fun for the kids. We celebrated St. Nicholas Day. Then added St. Lucia's Day. Then added Joseph Smith's birthday (on the 23rd). These activities became traditions, which the kids have told me they loved.

These three tapa angels with purchased at the gift shop at the Volcanoes National Park on the big island of Hawaii. The day we visited was an extremely stressful one due to a crisis at home, but finding these angels was a bright spot in that day. We had purchased one several years ago at a roadside stand on Maui (which I wrote about here), then never saw another one until that day at Volcanoes. These angels now join the "mother angel" (pictured below) on the tree.

All of that went away when my marriage came to an end. As with Mormon fatherhood (about which I have written extensively), there was a bit of a vacuum with respect to Christmas as I began my new life. The old meanings had washed out to sea, presenting me with an opportunity to reevaluate all of the old traditions and the very meaning of Christmas. 

Speaking of traditions, I realized when we were up at my daughter's in Canada for Thanksgiving a few weeks ago that traditions can be meaningful, but they can also be dysfunctional and even destructive. Sometimes - perhaps a *lot* of times - traditions are used as a means to provide structure to a social situation. Everyone focuses on the traditions as a means of avoiding real (i.e., authentic) communication, real interaction and real relationships. The traditions become the reason for celebrating, rather than the people involved in the celebration.

We acquired this ornament, as well as those in the next two photographs, at the Vancouver Christmas Market a few weeks ago.

I couldn't resist this ornament when I saw it.

I have learned over the past few years that attachment to traditions can ruin the Christmas season, or at least act as a huge drag on it. It is this attachment that, in my view, causes people to make comments about "feeling the Christmas spirit" - or rather lack of it; or that causes people to lament that it's "just doesn't seem like Christmas this year"; or causes people in certain areas of the country to complain that "it's just not Christmas if it doesn't snow"; or, the worst, comments imploring people to return to the "simplicity" and/or "true meaning of Christmas" (i.e., that they think it should mean).

This ornament was purchased in Castellane, France while on our bike tour this past summer. The one pictured below was also purchased in Castellane, but it was not designed as an ornament. It is a "santon," which is a handcrafted and painted figurine used in Provencale creches. I decided to turn this one into an ornament by super-gluing a golden cord to her wimple.

Over the last couple of years, particularly, I have weaned myself from attachment (in the Buddhist sense) to Christmas and its "traditions." There is much about the season that I enjoy, including the (tasteful) music of Christmas, the colors of Christmas, the tastes and smells of Christmas and the enchantment of lights in a darkened room. I also love turning the act of decorating the tree into a creative endeavor. It took me hours to decorate the tree, but I loved it.

This "ornament" was designed as a key chain, but I saw other possibilities. It was purchased this past September in Rome, in a little shop not far from the Pantheon. I had been looking in vain for an ornament from Rome, then saw this. It was perfect. Befana, the Italian "Santa Clause."

The next day, we were at a tacky newspaper/souvenir stand across the street from the Colosseum, awaiting  the start of a group tour. Suddenly, I saw this horribly tacky (and dirty) Vespa scooter, and I realized how perfect it was as a remembrance of Rome, complete with scooters and dirt.

But what I enjoy most about the season now is the people. My children. My husband. Our friends. There are no "this is the way we have always done it" moments.  There is no "this is the way it is 'supposed' to be." It just is. There are no expectations. I just let it happen (albeit with the usual preparations re gifts and meals). In that, I guess it's "simple." And I've grown to love it.

We purchased this in Durham, NC last spring while there attending my sister's doctoral hooding ceremony at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. It's really a "spirit ball" (see below), but it serves as an ornament, too.

My daughter Rachel bought this in London while there with her nanny family last summer

The cow bell pictured below was purchased on a rainy day in a small shop in Annecy, France on our bike tour last summer. The one above, I have to confess, was included in a box of Swiss chocolate.

A new "broom" ornament from the Granville Island Broom Company in Vancouver.

Purchased at the gift shop in the Accademia Gallery in Florence, home of Michelangelo's David.

New Hawaii ornaments, the one above from the big island, the one below from Maui, commemorating our marriage last April on Little Beach, Maui. The other side depicts a heterosexual couple. I just turn it so that faces into the tree.

This was one of my gifts to Mark on our very first Christmas together. It remains my favorite ornament.