Family: No Ideals, Just Love

I feel fortunate to be a part of Mark's family. His widowed mother, his sisters, his brother and other family members have been very welcoming to me, even though most of them are conservative Lutherans. Unlike two of my siblings, they have been able to look past their church's teachings about homosexuality to love their brother and to embrace his partner.

Mark and His Mother

I had met all of Mark's siblings prior to Mark's cancer diagnosis, but since that awful news came three months ago, several members of his family have directly reached out to me, to assure me that I am part of the family and that they are there for me. I appreciate that beyond words to express.

Mark's older sister, who is very close in age to him, came out from Portland to visit us in late April. This past week, we have been privileged to host one of her daughters, Rachel, and her husband Philipp and their two children. It's been a lot of fun.

Emma, Rachel, Philipp and Cedric

Cedric, Age 3

Mark, Age 1. The resemblance between him and his great-nephew is uncanny. 

Emma

At a neighborhood picnic on Monday night: Cedric, Mark and Me.

On Tuesday, I picked up Esther, Aaron and Annie in the morning, then picked up Levi after his Cub Country camp was finished for the day. He was so proud of himself. He was covered in dirt, but he had been the one to find the dinosaur tooth in their adventure, and he was allowed to touch the "dinosaur poop" (a rock). He also proudly showed off his new magic trick.

Levi

Later that afternoon, Rachel and Philipp and their kids joined me and the Quads at the pool at Little Cottonwood Heights Rec Center. Annie had a lot of fun playing with Cedric and Emma. We then all came back to the house for pizza.

Annie

Esther

Rachel and Violet, our Labradoodle

Rachel and me relaxing on the porch

Family. That word has meant different things to me at different points in my life. I grew up in a dysfunctional family that was scarred by divorce, abuse and other issues. It was my normal while I was growing up, but I later came to wish things had been different. That was after I had joined the Mormon Church, in part because it appeared to offer what I had been denied as a child. I tried very hard to attain that Mormon ideal over the next 25 years. I now have 10 beautiful children and 3 gorgeous grandchildren, but in the end, that Mormon ideal, for various reasons, proved unattainable.

Now, I am in a new phase of my life where the concept of family has taken on rich new meanings, hues and textures ... and members.  I am grateful for where I am at with my children. I am grateful for my sister, Martha. I am grateful for Mark. And I am grateful to be a part of his family, too. I am in a place where there are no expectations, no ideals ... simply love, appreciation and cherishing the moment.