Family: Oh Then, Is This Not Real

I found myself thinking about family yesterday. About my family of origin, about my childhood extended family, about my own children and grandchildren, about the family that Mark and I have created, about his extended family, most of whom are gathered here in Maui, and, lastly, about my adopted children.

The Koepke Clan on the Beach

As I sat on the beach yesterday and observed interactions between the members of Mark's family, I commented to him that I had never experienced what I was then experiencing - at least not since I was seven years old. That was the year my Grandfather Broom died. Family gatherings ceased after that as my grandmother moved to Florida to live with her daughter. A little over a year later, my family moved as well, and I basically never saw my cousins after that except at funerals.

Big Beach

And though there would be family dinners of my ex-wife's family, nothing there compared to what I felt and experienced yesterday. And the only time all of my siblings and I, along with our parents (who divorced when I was 13), have been together since the early 70's was at the funeral of my brother; but even then, spouses and grandchildren were not there.

Nathan and Mark on Big Beach

So yesterday was basically a new experience for me - at age 54. And I enjoyed it. Immensely. I also enjoyed being there with my son, Nathan. It was amazing to watch him interact with Mark's nieces and nephews. It was amazing to hear Nathan being referred to as "Cousin Nate."  It was also amazing to watch Nathan engage in a lengthy conversation with Mark's 81 year-old mother and walk with her along the beach. 

Joan (Mark's mom) and Nathan

I realize I am using the word "amazing" a lot. But what is routine to one person can cause wonder in another. And there is a lot about "family" that I now find "amazing," such as when my daughter from whom I had until recently been estranged for over two years, sent me an email this morning in which she said, "I just wanted to tell you that I love you. A lot."

As I have commented before, I also find it amazing that Mark's family accepts him and me as a couple, despite their own religious beliefs. Unlike so many situations involving gay members of Mormon families, the Koepkes believe that they can not only love their brother, son and uncle, but also act on that love. And that extends to his partner as well. Mahalo, Koepke Family.

Mark with his sisters, Sarah and Rebecca

In this regard, a phrase from a well-known (to Mormons) passage of scripture from the Book of Mormon has been rolling around my mind: "Oh then, is this not real?"  (Alma 32:35). Is not our gay nature real? Is not the family that Mark and I have been creating real? Are not the relationships we have with the members of Mark's family real? 

Why am I going on about this? Because so many people, especially in the Mormon world, believe that relationships and families such as mine are not and cannot be real. That when Mark and I marry, such will be "Satan's counterfeit for marriage" - actual words recently spoken by the Mormon apostle who is next in line to become the president of the LDS Church. 

Well I've got to wrap this up. I conclude with these amazing pictures Nathan took of Mark's mom watching the sunset.