Hallmark Homophobia

So ... when I was in Vancouver a week or so ago, I wandered into London Drugs with Nutella (in her stroller - chick magnet extraordinaire, except of course that I am gay, and girls and little ol' grandmothers who peek down and say, "Oh, how beautiful," don't mean anything to me, except for the fact that I soak up their goodness, and breathe in the contentment of being) - and found myself in the Hallmark aisle. Valentine's Day cards.

What's a gay man to do?

I am drawn to the "husbands" section. I look around. No one is looking. I indulge. In front of me is a card that catches my eye. In large script is written across the top of the card, "You're the Man I Love." What could be more appropriate?

Except that this card is intended for a woman to give to her husband.

Except ... that the sentiments so exactly reflect what I feel for the man I love.

What's a man to do?

This card is about my man. About my feelings for him. For HIM. The *man* I love. The card couldn't express better my sentiments if it had been specifically designed for a gay man to give his lover.

Lost in the reverie of this moment, I suddenly remember I am standing right in front of the "him" section of Valentine cards. I look up, look around. My internalized homophobia has reared its ugly head again. I shuffle down a few feet to the "her" section and quietly tuck my man's card in the folds of Nutella's stroller, making sure it is face down with the scan code visible on the back so that the register clerk doesn't see what the card says.

OMG. I'm hopeless, I think. Even here in Vancouver! It's not like I'm in the Bountiful Smith's Marketplace.

But ... I'm not hopeless. Slowly, I'm getting better. I take to heart these words by Christopher Lee Nutter from his book, The Way Out:

"You must see homophobia for what it is: it is a fear, and fear comes from the ego, which is the human's belief that he or she is alone and cut off from the All. Therefore, like fear and ego, homophobia is an illusion. That is the truth. if you believe in homophobia, you project it onto other people and then think that you must resist homophobia [i.e., in others]. But if you eradicate evil [e.g., homophobia] in yourself it will be seen for what it truly is, an illusion, and it will then disappear."