My North Carolina Closet

I first visited my sister Martha and her husband Koen at their Durham, North Carolina home in April 2011. I had started the process of coming out six months earlier, in which Martha had been a huge support. I was blogging as Invictus Pilgrim and could not for various reasons reveal my identity at that time. So I have decided to come out of my "North Carolina Closet" by posting some pictures that were taken during that visit.

Martha and me in front of Duke Chapel on the campus of Duke University

These other pictures were taken on the campus of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where Martha was at that time teaching French course. She had not yet started working on his dissertation at that point.

It was during this trip that I had the opportunity to meet Jimmy Creech, a (straight) former United Methodist minister from Raleigh who been active in LGBT issues within his church as well as others - locally as well as nationally - for over two decades. He had just published a memoir about his journey entitled Adam's Gift (which included being "defrocked" by the UMC for performing a same-sex commitment ceremony.) Martha and I happened to decide to visit a bookstore in Durham one morning while I was there, and Jimmy was doing signing books.

I loved reading Jimmy's book. When I had finished, I wrote a post about it on my Invictus Pilgrim blog, which I plan to republish here in the near future. When the first Circling the Wagons Conference was being planned for the fall of 2011, I invited Jimmy to come speak at and participate in the conference. He graciously agreed to do so (with no honorarium), and his presence and words of hope and love added much to that memorable weekend. He is a gracious, humble, loving man.

In December of 2011, I made another trip to visit Martha and Koen, only this time I was with Mark. We had a great weekend during which we visited various historical sites in the area.

"Yesterday was a an eventful day," I wrote in my journal on 14 December 2011. "We went to several historical sites. The first was the Bennett House which was where General Johnston surrendered to General Sherman. I learned a lot - things I never knew about the Civil War. I found it interesting, too, to hear things presented from a southern perspective. We then went to the Duke homestead, followed by a visit to an old plantation [Stagville] which was one of the largest in in antebellum North Carolina."

"What was perhaps the most interesting aspect of the afternoon," I continued, "was how I felt while at these sites. Martha was trying to tell me that this - history - is my passion and that I should pursue it. Of course, I know this, but I have denied it and relegated it to the place of avocation rather than vocation my entire life. Now, I find myself approaching the end of middle age, wondering what I'm going to do the rest of my working life, wondering whether I've wasted my [profession] life."

Martha and Koen on the campus of Duke University, where Martha will be teaching this fall. Most of the pictures here were taken by Koen.

"Last night," I wrote, "I had a bit of a crying breakdown. I felt so very lost. I have felt this way from time to time since coming out - disoriented, unsure of myself. My relationship with my children is so different. In many ways, it's better. But it's different. My professional life is in upheaval. My one constant that I cling to is my relationship with Mark ... So at times like this, like last night, I open up the chambers of hidden sorrow and pain in the dark recesses of my soul and I let it out. I cry. Mark was so sweet ... I love him. That is my one constant."

This photograph was taken by Koen, my brother-in-law. At first, I just thought it was a really cool picture. But since Mark's diagnosis, the clairvoyance of the image has become increasingly haunting.

Horton Grove Slave Quarters: A Photographic Essay

Our last sightseeing trip of last weekend was to take Rachel to see Horton Grove where are found the only remaining two-story slave quarters in North Carolina. Mark and I had been here while visiting my sister and brother-in-law in December 2011, but we were anxious to come back, not only to show Rachel, but also to see the area in springtime.

Wikipedia provides the following information about Horton Grove:

"Horton Grove was an area of houses for enslaved African-Americans at the 30,000-acre (120 km2) Bennehan-Cameron plantation complex, which included Stagville Plantation in the northeastern part of Durham County, North Carolina. The slaves who lived at Horton Grove were held by the influential Bennehan and Cameron families. In 1860, 900 total slaves were held on the complex ... 

"The quarters at Horton Grove, which were constructed by enslaved craftsmen in the early 1850s, were the culmination of decades of gradual improvements at the plantation complex. The dwellings at Horton Grove represented the pinnacle of slave house development and include shuttered windows, multiple stories, brick chimneys, and raised stone foundations. These structures were occupied continuously until as late as the 1970s. After the American Civil War, many of the once-enslaved people stayed on the property as sharecroppers and continued to live in these dwellings."

Additional information was found on a sign at the site (below) and quite a bit more about Stagville and Horton Grove can be found on this fascinating website.

The historic Hart House, dating back to before the Revolution. Photo by Koen van der Drift.

As one can see, the Hart House has a foundation consisting of loose stone.

When Mark and I visited this place in 2011, we found it haunting, and the fact that no one else was there when we were there contributed to this sensation. The same was true with our visit last Sunday. We were the only people there.

Photo by Mark Koepke

Photo by Mark Koepke

Photo by Rachel Broom

Photo by Mark Koepke

Photo by Mark Koepke

Southern Season

Photo by Rachel Broom

I have deep southern roots - more than half of my ancestry - but have spent so little time in the South. Other than driving through a few times and living in New Orleans for six months over 30 years ago and visiting my sister Martha in Durham, North Carolina a few times, I have spent no time there. It really is a bit of a foreign country to me. I don't understand its settlement and am virtually ignorant of its history (other than the Civil War, of course, but that is mainly from a Northern view). Perhaps because I grew up in the Ohio Valley, I was taught and understand much better the history of what happened north of the Ohio River and the Mason-Dixon Line.

I hope to change that in the future. What I have seen of the area in which my sister and her husband live, I have liked. On Saturday, after Martha's hooding ceremony and lunch, we set out to see the campus of Duke University and the adjoining Sarah P. Duke gardens.

As we were walking through the parking lot on our way back to our car, Mark pointed out this license plate to me. I laughed and said, "You sure are unlikely to see a plate like that in Utah." Then I saw the below pictured sticker in the rear window of the same vehicle. A few moments later, I noticed the license plate pictured below. Again, way different from Utah. ;)

On our way back to Martha's house for lunch, we stopped by a Chapel Hill institution, a huge speciality foodie store called "A Southern Season." (You can read an article about it here.) Mark and I had been there when we visited Martha in December 2011, and we wanted to return and show it to Rachel. It's just a really cool store, and we lucked out because that morning there were a half-dozen or so local chocolate makers offering free samples. 

One of the more interesting ones I sampled was key lime pie-flavored. Another one was a delicious dark with coconut. I asked for another sample, and the guy practically said, "Help yourself." They were so good I decided to buy some at the counter, but found out that they only had ones with nuts in them. I went back to the table and asked the guy about it. He laughingly admitted that he had forgot to bring nuts that morning, so they had to substitute coconut for the samples.

Rachel and me at Southern Season

Chocolatiers with their samples on display. I could have spent a lot more time in that part of the store.

On our way to the checkout, they had these in a cooler. Wow! I hadn't seen Nehi sodas since I was in high school. If memory serves, there was an RC Cola/Nehi bottling plant in Carmi. Hadn't seen Bubble Up for just as long.

Umm, this speaks for itself.

After brunch at Martha and Koen's house, we (Mark, Rachel and me) headed to the campus of Duke University. We planned to see the much vaunted Duke Gardens and Duke Chapel. The gardens, however, were not that impressive. We must have arrived between seasons or something. Still, it was a nice place to take a walk. It was busy because it was graduation weekend at Duke, and we would occasionally see graduates in their gowns, wanting to have their picture taken with their families. This is where the lead photo, above, was taken. It was worth it to go to the gardens just to have this picture, taken by my daughter Rachel.

Photo by Rachel Broom

Photo by Rachel Broom

We next headed toward the Duke Chapel, which is really like a mini-Gothic cathedral. Mark and I had seen the inside in December 2011, but it was unfortunately closed this past Saturday afternoon for a private service. We were able to walk around outside, however, as well as show Rachel the older parts of the campus, which were designed to give a medieval/Gothic look to the place, even though the buildings are less than 100 years old.

Duke Chapel

Rachel in front of azaleas blooming near the rear of the chapel

Photo by Rachel Broom