Saturday, November 7, 2015

Others and Millstones: Our Children and the New LDS Policy

Our four youngest children, pictured above, have now been officially stigmatized by the Mormon Church as "other." 

As I wrote about yesterday, the Church has issued a policy stating that children of "a parent living in a same-gender relationship" cannot be baptized, confirmed, ordained or recommended for a mission unless they are of legal age and specifically disavow their parent's "relationship." Not surprisingly, the policy does not refer to a "marriage," only a "relationship."

Hmmm. All four of these children have - because they live with their active LDS mother - been baptized and confirmed. Too late to exclude them from that. Aaron (2nd from right) has been ordained to the Aaronic priesthood (for teenage boys), but Levi has not. I can only assume that he will be prohibited from being ordained to the priesthood when he turns 12.

The girls do not have to worry about being ordained. They're girls. Only males hold the priesthood in the Mormon Church. But the stigma is now there: children "of a parent in a same-gender relationship."

Where does this policy leave these children? Overnight, they have gone from being children just like any others in their ward (except that their parents are divorced and their father is gay and is married to one of the most loving men on the planet) to being officially reclassified as "others." How will that make them feel? 

How will it make Levi feel to know that he will not be allowed to be like the other boys his age? He doesn't enjoy church and doesn't go to Scouts ... but still: it is HIS choice how he feels about church and whether or not he likes or goes to Scouts. The choice of whether or not to be ordained (not that he'd have a choice) has now been presumably taken from him. For as long as he continues going to church, he will be an "other," a "second-class" boy, and the only way he will ever be able to change that is by renouncing Mark and I's marriage. 

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

~ Matthew 18:6


  1. I don't know what to say. This must be unbelievably painful for you. Sending supportive thoughts your way because I can't do anything that might really help. {{{you & Mark & your kids}}}.

  2. I don't know what to say. This must be unbelievably painful for you. Sending supportive thoughts your way because I can't do anything that might really help. {{{you & Mark & your kids}}}.

  3. Thank you, Evangeline, for reaching out. Thoughts and hugs much appreciated.

  4. I just discovered your blog and appreciate your thoughts. I am recently excommunicated, in a same-sex relationship, have two daughters, 10 and 6. They live primarily with their mother who is an active member in good standing. This new policy is not the gospel, it is a necessary evil of running an exclusive club. It's the result of top leadership not being able to trust that bishops and stake presidents will make the right choice when confronted with unique individual circumstances. It's understandable to have bright-line rules like this when you accept the reality that the church is very much like a club populated with very imperfect people. And because of that the choice is taken from them and decided by top leadership. I have to remind myself... Policy does not equal the gospel... Just don't tell the Mormons that!!! In the meantime... Innocent by-standers like my 6 year old are an inevitable casualty that don't appear to be worth consideration until their 18. Can you imagine Christ discriminating which children came to him when he appeared to the Nephites? My 6 year old may have a really terrible reality check on her 8th birthday. Of course, we don't want to confuse her now do we? Unbelievable!

  5. Hi Question. Thanks for leaving a comment. I agree with your thoughts. The children are the ones who will suffer the most because of this policy, though there hasn't been a lot of focus so far on all those men who will be facing the prospect of disciplinary counsels. I feel for those who believe in the church and want very much to remain a part of it. So much sadness about all of this.

  6. Yes, the men, I don't think the church leaders really know what to do about them.

    I'm new to the "Moho" blog world, and you seem to be pretty familiar with what's going on.... I was hoping you could point me to a blog or website that discusses the homosexual issue as it relates to gospel doctrine. I have so many questions. There also seems to be some obviously huge discrepancies between doctrine and church policy that no one talks about. I'm wondering if I'm totally out in left field or if other people see it too. Do you have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your time.

  7. Question - There is certainly a lot on my blog about homosexuality and Mormonism. (See yesterday's post for example.) If you scroll down to "Labels," you'll see labels you might be interested in. Also, if you haven't already, go to, where you'll find lots of posts by gay Mormons.